08 May 2014

Before the Storm: Mixed Emotions

Well, I’ve been pretty bad about journaling lately and because I’m feeling a bit lazy I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone and blog a bit about what’s going on at the moment.

It’s been our last week of our seminar classes so I had a final on Monday and then today was my final for the cinema class so that’s officially done which is nice. Both went extremely well! Cinema was fun today though because we got to watch everyone’s final videos and they turned out awesome! Some were hilarious. My best friend Grace’s was a meditation on “ennui” (basically: apathy). Another was everyone dancing. Some people had lip-syncing. And we got chocolate cake thanks to our teacher, Phillipe! I was just really happy my video was very well received. Plus I had emailed my teacher a link to my IP (short film I had to write, produce, direct, edit, and sound design for the Intermediate Production class last semester) to get some feedback and he was really impressed! So that was quite a confidence boost.
In other news… And probably MORE exciting news… there’s officially 6 days until the Cannes Film Festival commences! I’m actually starting working for my internship on Monday, however! So I’m nervous but very excited about it.

A lot of mixed feelings actually. Excited to see Cannes explode with people in the next two weeks. Apprehensive about Cannes exploding with people. Nervous about getting around. Nervous about the internship itself, but then, not really because the woman I’ve been emailing with seems fantastic and I’m really excited about the company I’m working with (Myriad Pictures for anyone who’s interested). Happy I don’t have to go to class for the next two weeks while working. Sad that I also won’t get to be in class. Confused about how to feel about the fact that I’ve been prepping for this for over a year now and it’s finally here! But at the same time, it’s actually HERE. And once it’s over I’ll have one last week of normal Cannes before we’re done…

Just writing that makes it start to hit me a bit.

And don’t get me wrong, I miss home. I miss everyone there. And I think the closer it gets to the end combined with the fact that I know these are the last few weeks makes me all the more homesick, and yet all the more determined to soak up these last few weeks here in this beautiful place, with the amazing people I’ve grown so close to in the last few months. (I may or may not be tearing up a bit as I’m typing.)
Well… with that there is definitely a bit of stress. Now that those finals are over it’s time to try to figure out the system of the festival. A lot of us are very confused, perplexed, and/or overwhelmed. Most of us don’t really know what’s expected of us. We have a ton of questions. Supposedly we’ll have badges that get us in some places and not others. There’s screenings but then there’s premieres which, if you’re dressed up for and wait in a special line, you might be able to get into. But there’s also tickets somewhere? And you can try to get invitations to things? From whom I don’t know. And the amount of time I’ll actually have to go to screenings as I’m working the festival is totally unknown to me. Plus we’re all volunteering at this AMFAR gala that Robin Thicke is supposed to perform at. But I need a dress… Or do I? Should I buy a bus pass or walk? Take a pack lunch from the college or try to make it back? 

And I still have to plan out my last two weeks of independent travel… I have decided, however, after going to Ireland last weekend (which was INCREDIBLE!) that I want to go back. So… lots of stuff going on. Lots of questions. Lots of things I want to do before I leave.

But, I can’t complain. And I hope it doesn’t come across that way. Overwhelmed a bit. Sure. But I know and trust everything is going to be fine. More than fine actually. It’s going to be incredible. And I’m probably one of the luckiest people in the world.

I just find myself in a similar position to how I was before coming to Cannes. On this weird precipice; on the verge of the unknown. That’s maybe a bit poetic. But that’s what it is. It’s the unknown. And it’s fear. And excitement. And all of these other crazy mixed up things, thoughts, emotions, etc. that are making up my life these days and even here in this very moment.

But for now… it’s time for bed. We’ve got a big weekend ahead to with an excursion to St. Marguerite, and island, tomorrow, and then one of Europe’s biggest gorges on Saturday. (It apparently doesn’t compare to the Grand Canyon, but it’s still supposed to be pretty cool!)


Bonne nuit tout le monde. À la prochaine! 

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